Darling readers, gather 'round! It's your fabulous friend and all-things-ballet enthusiast here, back with another piping hot serving of news straight from the (glitter-strewn) dance world. It’s a fabulous Tuesday, 17 November, 1996, and what's more thrilling than a fresh, exciting day? A newsworthy *tutu* of course!
**"The Great Tutu Crisis"**
Now, we all know tutus are a quintessential ballet element. But, honey, a new problem is rocking the ballet world: tutus, oh dear, have officially become... *too small!* Can you imagine the shock?
The problem has sparked, dare I say, a minor, well, *ballet* crisis across the nation. Just *why* have tutus shrunk, you ask? Well, apparently, *and you just *know* I’ve got the scoop here*, a recent, oh, so very *dramatic* surge in the consumption of pastries by ballerinas, across the nation has led to – gasp! - bigger and bouncier ballerinas. It’s *soooo* exciting. The issue is impacting ballets across the land, causing numerous "minor tutu malfunctions". One ballet school in Birmingham even reported a record-breaking 37 *tutu splits* during a single performance of Swan Lake!
*Soooooo*, let’s discuss this alarming trend.
Some blame it on the ever-increasing allure of the *extra* generous, freshly-baked pastries made at every backstage tea room - I’m talking pastries that’ll make even *me* reconsider my calorie intake!
Others point the finger to the resurgence of the glorious ‘90s “fluffy-fluffy” aesthetic in fashion, with big puffy sleeves, big voluminous hair and even…*wait for it* … bigger buns (the baked kind, dear, calm down.)
Meanwhile, many in the industry are advocating for "tutu reform." This has inspired a heated debate, of course. The big names are *soooo* involved! *Some* of us argue for *stricter* waistlines for all aspiring ballerinas, *some* say this whole ordeal is an overblown “dramatic situation”, whilst others propose the radical concept of - get this - *making bigger tutus!* Now, where’s the fun in that?
As your guide through this *fascinating* world, let me share my insider's opinion.
**Here's the tea, darlings.** The great tutu crisis has sparked an intense debate about ideals in ballet, about standards of beauty, about what we consider “ideal” in our world and on stage. We need to acknowledge, my loves, that times are *changing*, and ballet *must* evolve too, whilst still embracing what is so inherently wonderful about this beautiful art form! Perhaps, honey, *perhaps*, we could start embracing our beautiful ‘90s “fluffy-fluffy” selves…*perhaps* embrace our larger waistlines *perhaps* *perhaps* embrace a new “fluffier” type of tutu… Perhaps this is an opportunity for an *entirely* new wave of ballerinas. **Perhaps it’s all simply glorious chaos!**
Stay tuned for updates! (I might need to book a personal fitting, myself!)
*Oh, and darling! Please do keep sending in all of your own ‘90s inspired recipes to [email protected] ! You know what they say; “You can never have too much…*pastry*!” ?*